too much it seems

lately life has been kind of crazy. it feels like everything happening is so heavy. events and activities are not simply happening but leaving their residue on me. that is the best way i can think to explain it.

i feel drenched in the residue of the events of my life.

this weekend i sat at a wedding of two people i dearly love and it was just one of the best weddings i have ever been to. adam crawford administered and he made sure the focus stayed on the love of Jesus Christ and what a gift marriage is and that its purpose, while it does make us happy, is not to make us happy but to glorify God by being a picture of how Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her and how the church should submit to Christ. it was wonderful and a truly worshipful wedding.

the reception was a blast, a room filled with people i love. some i hadn't seen in years, some i love but live in korea and some i had seen earlier that day but was grateful just the same for time with them.

in the same weekend i attended a funeral of a young man who chose to end his life. i watched his family walk in the church and sit down and the expressions of confusion and glimpses of anger were all too evident on their faces.

i begged the Lord to help me trust Him, to help me cling to the promises He gives and believe them in my heart and know in my head that they are true and that He is good. and He did. i sat there singing praises to my Lord and the weight of His presence seemed to find its residing place on my chest and was heavy there. amazingly enough, it did not feel the slightest bit burdensome in its heaviness, it felt the opposite.

extremely freeing.

like i could walk up to the balcony, jump off and fly home.

all the way home.

i told Him he was the only one that could do that. take this horrible tragedy and make it good, give it purpose and provide comfort. i asked Him to do that for the family. when i finished telling Him that he was the only one that could do that he responded by telling me...

He is the only one that could do that.

and that makes Him good, trustworthy and Jesus.

doing things only He could do.

i don't know how to explain it any better than this. its just been a couple of those weeks back to back where it seems like life is happening an extra amount and right in front of my face.

the fact that it is real, painful and joyful at the same time and happening at this very moment. and mostly it is happening with a purpose and my aim is to make it matter for that purpose.

for the sake of GLORY to the ONE who is WORTHY.